Reflection

I was feeling really tired and drained after my exams which were on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday consecutively. There was a horrible one on Thursday I felt I couldn't study for, and it was like climbing up a mountain. Every half an hour I would stop and pray, and feel that I couldn't go on except on His strength. I don't think I could have studied that much or even been able to hold myself up until 5 that day because I was all out of my own strength.

But thankfully, they're all over now and through the exams I've learnt some lessons. I've learnt that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I think Thursday was an impossible day, but somehow He carried me through. I've also learnt that I've been really blessed with wonderful friends. I wish I could be just half the kind of friends they are. Katie came to the library with crisps for me before my paper on Thursday and texted me immediately for dinner today with a cute little card and a smile. Not forgetting all the study sessions in the library which were so comforting just because I had a friend by my side in those cold dark nights and wasn't alone. Andrew called a few times and texted me just before my exams on two days, and Daniel called just before my last paper and texted Psalm 23 -

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul, he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me,
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies,
you anoint my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will walk in the house of the Lord forever.

I really felt in those days that I was walking through a valley. But that really comforted me, that I shall not want or lack of anything because the Lord my shepherd was with me.

These few days I have been very conscious of my own failings and personality flaws. I wish that somehow I could change...but tonight's cell group was encouraging and sobering as well. The parable of the sower was shared, and once again while reflecting on the condition of my heart I felt as though I wasn't quite the good soil yet... My emotions go up and down all the time and sometimes I get distracted by so many things, like the soil that had thorns. And many many times I do things and after that think, "WHY did I do that/ say that/ etc?" and get down.

But it was encouraging in the sense that Weeleon also shared about Jacob and how he was the liar and deceiver, but how God had been running after him all this while to fulfill his promises to him. And while he was speaking I thought, "I know this God... I know who this person is that he's speaking of!" Because the Bible passage he read described who God was so very clearly:

"Know that I am with you; I will protect you wherever you go, and bring you back to this land. I will never leave you until I have done what I promised you."

This sounded so much exactly like the God who had been watching over me the past week, especially on Thursday, that I knew He was the same. He was the same then, and He is the same now...

Sorry for running on, but had so many thoughts... will talk to you more next time. : )