The Hidden Man

I read this story of the hidden man a few minutes ago and it really amazed me. Surely each of us is so important to God.

I had a very good chat with a friend and my dad today. This friend invited us over to have a last dinner with him before I left. It was a wonderful time of sharing. Perhaps the friends I made in Leeds this year were very different from my usual friends. But in the end we learnt how to see each others' points of view, to understand each other.

In Leeds you always learn about "take-home points". What's the one thing you take away from this lesson? you're always asked.

My take-home point today was from my dad and it was given in response to this question: How do you know that something is bad as nothing is inherently bad? A gun in the hands of a criminal is bad, a gun in the hands of a policeman is good. Out of the many choices you have to make, how do you know what is right and what is wrong, what to avoid and what not to?

If it doesn't have control of you, but if you have control of it.

I learnt that alot of uncontrollable habits we have are in response to broken dreams. They're our way of fighting back at the hurt life has inflicted on us, offering us a little temporal comfort. If you want to get rid of them, you need to realise the broken dreams. And maybe admit that you were angry. And realise that God has a far bigger dream for you.

Wow... True Beauty

I went down to London over the weekend to check out my new college. My dad and I took a megabus down to London which cost only 10 pounds (normally, a train down would cost 20 pounds). The downside of that was the journey took 4 hours and my dad had to look at my green car-sick face the whole time. Other than that, it was a nice journey and it was exciting to be back in London and to recognise streets such as Baker Street, with all the Sherlock Holmes memorabilia.

We stayed at the house of one of his friends, and once again I learnt more lessons about true beauty. This lady, a small, unimposing woman, took us in and cared for us as though we were her own family. She could not stop talking about the Lord. She had a lovely house with a lovely garden and a stream running through it, and it was evident that she had been given much because she had given so much to Him.

Proverbs 31 says:

"A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life...

She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy...

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

This woman was a Proverbs 31 woman. She was already busy with much to do in church and had people popping in and out of her house day and night. Yet she was up early making full English breakfasts for us every morning; making four or five course meals at night; she chattered away endlessly and happily, she made sure we knew train times and made sure we were well provided for - she was responsible, organised, sharp and efficient. In her I saw true beauty, the beauty of a woman who feared God and loved Him.

So I learnt one more thing about true beauty - a truly beautiful woman doesn't really have to be a streotypically sweet woman. A truly beautiful woman is a strong woman who isn't afraid to obey God.

All your talents, all your qualifications, and all that you have done, don't give you true beauty. The only true beauty is the beauty that comes from a pure heart, a heart that is fixed on Him : )

Events

When I first heard the news I couldn't imagine what it would be like to see someone shot dead on the tube. I would probably have been sick all over the floor.

That night, I dreamt that I was in the tube and that there was an explosion in front of me. Something spattered on me and I saw that it was blood.

After that, I dreamt that the few of us were praying for protection over our houses.

Today when I checked the news I found out that the man the police had shot on suspicion of being a suicide bomber had been innocent. Couldn't keep the tears back anymore.

Graduation Day

I wore my gown (with its bat-like wings) around the university with my mother's stockings and my sister-in-law's shoes while my dad took pictures of my hall, the library, Parkinsons' steps... and also my favourite path leading to the library amidst shady trees and daffodils in the springtime, but now just surrounded by heat-scorched grass. The path I used to write about here so many times.

My brother never went for his graduation, and I couldn't see the point of going for mine as I thought it was just a ceremony, thinking that my three years and what I'd learnt in them were far more important than a single day summing them up. I went for mine solely because my dad was coming to see it, but came to see the sense of it after he told me: "It's closure. It's knowing that this part of your life has come to a close and a new part of your life is beginning."

Indeed he's right. A new part of my life is beginning. And I know there is so much in store.

This year, I want to

think simply

love with actions and truth

live expecting miracles to happen

And I will.

Irrational, Undignified, a Gambler.

I sinned yesterday. No more trying on human strength, trying to set some kind of superhuman record, but only on His strength now.

I have failed as a person. But for every failure, there will be success because Christ has won the victory. Not me, but Him.

I've learnt a few more things about Him this week, and it never ceases to amaze me and touch me to find out more about what He's like. He was always like this, it's just that I never realised it.

He can sometimes be irrational. In Joshua 10 I read about how Joshua spared Rahab the prostitute from being destroyed along with the rest when they conquered Jericho. Even though he spared her, he still called her "Rahab the prostitute". "The prostitute". She would always be a prostitute in his eyes, and her name - Rahab - would always be synonymous with prostitution to him.

Yet God saw Rahab differently. She went on to become one of Jesus' ancestors. God saw her not as Rahab, the prostitute, but as Rahab, from whose lineage kings would come, not only human kings but the King of Kings.

It would have made more sense to choose someone more talented. Someone without a past. Someone who wasn't impure and a woman of the world in the eyes of the world. Someone a little more, you know, dignified. But He can sometimes be irrational, and He saw in her more than a prostitute. He saw in her a woman who had faith.

He can sometimes be irrational in that He valued my life more than His. Why would He set the price of His own life on my life and make it worth so much more? Simply because He valued my life more that He was willing to discard His own and keep mine. Why does He ask us to deny ourselves? Because He already did.

There are some things I don't understand about Him. And another of these things is that He is undignified.

What kind of dignified person would admit to someone he loved that he thought about him all the time? Yet God tells me that His thoughts of me outnumber the grains of sand, He tells me that He keeps my tears in a bottle, and He gets jealous of other loves in my heart. What kind of dignified person would do that?

When I realised that I had sinned and came back to Him with a heavy heart, He ran towards me. When He saw me from a great distance, He came running... tripping over stones, hair flying, blistered feet, joy in His eyes. What kind of an undignified God do I have?

He was a gambler too. When He loved you, He took the risk that you might never love Him back. But He did so anyway.

This poem by G.A. Studdert-Kennedy always moved me as a teenager. I can still remember the day I read it and copied it into the front page of my diary. It's called "The Ununtterable Beauty".


The Ununtterable Beauty

And sitting down they watched Him there,

The solders did;

There, while they played with dice,

He made His sacrifice, And died upon the cross to rid

God’s world of sin.

He was a gambler, too, my Christ,

He took His life and threw

It for a world redeemed.

And ere His agony was done, Before the westering sun went down,

Crowning that day with crimson crown,

He knew that He had won.

Irrational, undignified, a gambler too, my Christ. Thank you for loving me with such an undignified love.

The Big Things and The Small Things

The bomb blasts in London really reminded me that life is about big things and small things. The small things - your problems, what to eat, what to wear - fade away in the light of the big things, and the biggest thing is existence.

Whether we exist or not is the biggest thing ever. The chances of us coming into being are so small. Out of the millions of infinitesimal sperm, one of them met with an egg to become you, and out you came prolooop into the world, with everything intact and functioning properly. The chances of us dying at any one moment are small, but the chance is so real. A missed bus here, a train trip there could make the difference between life and death - a forgotten passport, a punctuality problem.

The small things can niggle at times. What people say about you, how you don't know whether to trust people or not, how giving can sometimes be tiring. But this is just the way life is - a problem free life wouldn't be a normal life at all.

I say we settle the big things first. Because life is so brief, because we know that the chances of anything happening at any one instant are never zero, we need to know what we're living for.

Most of us just want to be happy and have fun. But fun sometimes comes at the price of self-respect. You can have everything in the world and the smoothest life, but things are still empty. You still get disillusioned and you would rather go along with the system than influence the system at the loss of your own peace.

I think whatever it is we are searching for, most of us are searching for our purpose. And there is a God-shaped hole inside our hearts, no matter how we try to rationalize it away. Why not settle the big things first, because there is no time to waste. Someday, the big things might not wait for you any more.

Pray for London

Please pray for London and the people there as bomb blasts have been reported.

Carpenter's Son

Yesterday my new housemate accidently locked herself in the room and couldn't get out. We tried everything - pushing, pulling, throwing our weights against the door, and I knew we had to pray. So we prayed and continued pushing. The door didn't give and the lock was stuck.

After that I got a screwdriver and unscrewed the lock and the middle bit was still stuck. It wouldn't have come out without a strong guy and pliers. Or we might have had to break down the door. But she was peering at me through the keyhole, fiddled a little bit with bits of metal and the door just opened miraculously.

We saw each other through the open door and screamed loudly, hugging each other!

The amazing thing is that when we tried the door again, we couldn't figure out how the door had given because the lock remained stuck out and refused to be pushed in again. I saw how God answered our prayers even in little things, to give us help even in practical things like these. Nothing is too small or difficult for Him...especially not doors... because, after all, He's a carpenter's son.

To me, that was something so amazing.

Resolution

Tired and drained, but this should not be the case. Was very encouraged yesterday knowing that He had won the victory for me. But it seems as though I have little time for myself and for Him.

Success is not doing well, success is not earning loads, but success is knowing your needs and meeting them. I know that I need Him. How desperate am I to meet that need? Am I desperate enough to get up early knowing that that is the only time I'm going to get alone with Him? Yes, I am, and yes, I will, because I can't survive without Him.

Something Missing?

One of our deepest desires is to be complete, and many of us are seeking for this completeness. We feel discontent and we feel as though we need something more.

But I realised something today. God promises us not just completeness but something additional. He promises us fullness. And fullness means a filling to overflowing. I realised that God promises us something even more than completeness.

I really wanted completeness. I kept on wanting to be complete in Him, to have Him as my source of spiritual nourishment. I kept on feeling so empty because I had so many needs. And I wanted Him to complete me despite my needs. But I didn't realise that He wanted to give me something more. And I didn't realise that He told me how to be full.

The answer is in Ephesians 3:

"I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

The price was paid for me because of His love. No, I was not worthy of His life, but He thought me worthy. How could He have been broken on that cross for me, how could He have gone ahead with it when He knew how much it would cost Him? Only because He valued my life more than His. That was the breadth and length and height and depth of His love.

I pray that even as you read this, that He will also let you understand His love. Then He will not only make you complete, but make you full.

Freedom

Just watched "Legally Blonde" with Alex and I'm really impressed by how Elle grew so much over the past three years in law school and managed to get past problems and obstacles, getting past trying to be someone she was not, and living up to her full potential, being able to be the best she could be without compromising her identity.

In many ways this year, too, He has set me free to be the person that He wants me to be. I'm thankful, thankful for this freedom I have in Him : )

It's ok to be funny, Ruth and it's ok to be vulnerable with people and it's ok to be real. Because it's fine to be yourself and each of us has a unique role in His kingdom. Help me to appreciate other people and learn from them, and also, thank You for making me me.