Contradictions?

These few days have been such happy days for me that I feel a little worried that I'm going to burst with happiness or forget the Source of all my happiness. Today the speaker in church said, "When you're happy, God whispers; when you're sad, God shouts." I just hope that I will always be aware in my happiness that I still have to keep my ears open!

One of the Beatitudes says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." And in Ecclesiates it says, "Sorrow is better than happiness, for a sad face is good for the heart."

Somewhere else in Proverbs it says, "A merry heart does good like a medicine.", and Ecclesiastes says again, "Therefore I commend mirth, because a man has no better thing under the sun than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry."

Is there a contradiction there? Some might say so. But I don't think there is. I think the heart of it all lies in Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 8 ...

There is a time for everything, and a time for every season under heaven.
A time to give birth, and a time to die.
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build up.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain,
A time to search, and a time to give up,
A time to keep, and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend;
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Even in the midst of laughter and dancing, there is a time to mourn; a time when you're silent and realise that there is so much more you can do for the people around you, a time when you look at yourself and see that you are truly nothing, weak and helpless; a time when you look in sorrow at your selfish motivations - like filthy rags - and commit yourself to Him in tears; to ask Him to be the only one you can lean on, and to ask Him to help you in your weakness.

You Sing All Around

My dad called early this morning, which woke me up. I don't think he's very aware of the time difference between Singapore and England, nor is he aware that I am a sleepyhead of the highest degree. Anyway, we chatted for a while, (sleepily on my side), and after that I had to get up.

Went to play basketball this morning with Haoern and the rest of the gang from Charles Morris and from church. It was really good and I hope that we can play again soon. It's so easy to become comfortable with each other playing together and tossing the ball around. It was a good thing too that all the guys were very gentlemanly and would pass the ball to us as well. Hopefully, we can play once a week and that will be all the exercise I need (besides going to the gym, which hasn't really materialised yet :op).

Last night was good. Walking home from church along my favourite path to Charles Morris that winds beside the library I was happy and half-talking to myself and to God.

My favourite path to Charles Morris winds alongside the back of the library and is flanked by random trees and grass growing with neat abandon (ok, grass growing neatly). The path was where Chris said "Hello, Ruthie" for the first time, where I saw the couple with cerebral palsy helping each other along and stopping to look around at the autumn leaves falling, where Katie and I used to walk along to halls after long sessions at the library for dinner breaks, where we used to walk to Fruity in the Union arms all linked and tripping in high heels. This is the path I used to sit beside, on the grass surrounded by nodding daffodils in the springtime, where we used to lie in the summer having ice-cream and sunning ourselves, where I used to try to study but always ended up lying on the grass with my textbook over my face.

And last night beside the path two huge trees stood glistening in the rain, so still and so shimmery they were almost painfully beautiful to look at. I wish I could have frozen that moment and gone back to it again and again whenever I felt I wanted to see a miracle. For what's truly amazing isn't David Copperfield and his sleight of hand, nor is it the height or breadth or depth of man-made structures, nor is it how far man has managed to venture into space; what's amazing is space itself, the thousands and thousands of galaxies and how God was before and will be after them all, what's amazing is the height and breadth and depth of His love for us even so, and what's amazing is that He could have taken the time to bedeck the trees with raindrops especially for our appreciation... That's what's amazing.

Shall stop preaching now... Will update soon.

Fruity

I went out last night for the first time in a long while since the Encounter Weekend. Megan was leaving on Saturday so we decided to go to Fruity, and I joined them after cell group there.

I prayed before going, praying that God would protect me from temptation, and I called Andrew and asked him to pray for me. In my experience there is so much temptation everywhere once I step into an environment like that. And I do like to go, and to dance, and to let loose. Sometimes I feel pretty confused as to what I should be doing, and I really wish that I could mature in Him more. I feel as though many times my heart is the thorny soil that Weeleon is speaking of, and I know this may not be encouraging to everyone else but I still have to write it out because it's the truth.

Anyway, I was really glad that even though there was temptation, as there always is, I think God was honoured and I had a great time. In the end, we all stayed up until 5 talking in my room, and the long and short of it was I met this friend of my hallmate who goes to the Charles Morris cell group and he asked me whether I went. I didn't know he was a Christian when I first met him, but after that it all clicked into place; the quietness, the smile, the evident I-don't-know-how-to-express-it expression on his face, as though he'd been continually fed ... It just suddenly made sense to me, like it did when I first met James, the leader of that cell group. I hadn't known he was a Christian then as well, but it did seem to click into place again when I found out, and I remember writing in my journal then I had to go for Charles Morris cell.

It's funny, but I think I had a meaningful night. I truly did. We had a wonderful time chatting in my room, and I'm going to go for Charles Morris cell, and I think maybe this is the start of something new... life is moving so fast that I feel like I am being whisked along, and have to run to catch up with the path set out for me to follow.

Reflection

I was feeling really tired and drained after my exams which were on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday consecutively. There was a horrible one on Thursday I felt I couldn't study for, and it was like climbing up a mountain. Every half an hour I would stop and pray, and feel that I couldn't go on except on His strength. I don't think I could have studied that much or even been able to hold myself up until 5 that day because I was all out of my own strength.

But thankfully, they're all over now and through the exams I've learnt some lessons. I've learnt that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I think Thursday was an impossible day, but somehow He carried me through. I've also learnt that I've been really blessed with wonderful friends. I wish I could be just half the kind of friends they are. Katie came to the library with crisps for me before my paper on Thursday and texted me immediately for dinner today with a cute little card and a smile. Not forgetting all the study sessions in the library which were so comforting just because I had a friend by my side in those cold dark nights and wasn't alone. Andrew called a few times and texted me just before my exams on two days, and Daniel called just before my last paper and texted Psalm 23 -

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul, he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me,
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies,
you anoint my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will walk in the house of the Lord forever.

I really felt in those days that I was walking through a valley. But that really comforted me, that I shall not want or lack of anything because the Lord my shepherd was with me.

These few days I have been very conscious of my own failings and personality flaws. I wish that somehow I could change...but tonight's cell group was encouraging and sobering as well. The parable of the sower was shared, and once again while reflecting on the condition of my heart I felt as though I wasn't quite the good soil yet... My emotions go up and down all the time and sometimes I get distracted by so many things, like the soil that had thorns. And many many times I do things and after that think, "WHY did I do that/ say that/ etc?" and get down.

But it was encouraging in the sense that Weeleon also shared about Jacob and how he was the liar and deceiver, but how God had been running after him all this while to fulfill his promises to him. And while he was speaking I thought, "I know this God... I know who this person is that he's speaking of!" Because the Bible passage he read described who God was so very clearly:

"Know that I am with you; I will protect you wherever you go, and bring you back to this land. I will never leave you until I have done what I promised you."

This sounded so much exactly like the God who had been watching over me the past week, especially on Thursday, that I knew He was the same. He was the same then, and He is the same now...

Sorry for running on, but had so many thoughts... will talk to you more next time. : )

You Amaze Me!

Listen to "Really Want", by Lincoln Brewster, which is linked at the side of this blog under "Listen". It puts everything into perspective for me. When I feel that studying for exams is pointless and that my life isn't going very well, it reminds me that Someone is watching over me who has a plan for my life, and that I am very lucky to be alive... there are so many things I can do with my life, but more importantly so many things that He can use my life for.

I was in the library today at half-eleven, sitting beside Megan with my notes making a mess all over the little table, and desperately trying to cram equations into my head for tomorrow, when glancing out of the window I saw flying white flakes. For a moment I was doubtful, turned to Megan, and her answering grin confirmed it. People's heads lifted slowly from their books, they looked out of the window for a while, smiled, and gradually returned to their work. Magic filled the air, and while we knew we were all working for the immediate future (exams), the world outside was still turning and God was still making art everywhere. I'm sure he delights in snow, falling lightly, freely, spinning, drifting; just as much as we do.

Stuck to my books but my spirit is laughing with the confetti whirling outside in celebration of all that is pure and good.

Early Morning

Stayed in the cluster until half past five yesterday, typing out my Biology notes.

When you get into the cluster, it's at first full of people, then the numbers slowly dwindle as the night progresses, and then all that's left is a handful of people intently typing and staring red-eyed at the computer screens.

When I'd finished, tired and feeling a little hungover, I got up painfully and gathered a huge pile of books to leave. Walked down the Bragg cluster steps in the quiet morning light and there was a bald-headed man slowly climbing up and dressed for work.

"Good morning," I said sleepily, and he smiled.

Start Small

Am in the cluster again typing out my notes, and as it always is in the dead of night have been thinking back about things, and thinking about people, and just basically thinking.

Was thinking about the humility of some of the people in my life. They are capable of great things, yet seem to be content continually doing small ones, not trying to stand out in any way. They say little, but the little they say says alot. These people will be great people next time. You never know what is going on in their hidden lives, but you can see in their outer lives how little they think about themselves and how much of others, how little they want to reveal of themselves lest they boast, but you can see it anyway.

Beside these people I feel very small.

Humility is
knowing you are the same as everyone else
knowing you are as prone to falling as everyone else
seeing others as better than yourself
saying little, and yet encouraging through the little you say

All I can do is learn... through my mistakes, through watching the lives of others, through being willing to take a backseat, think big, start small, and build deep. *

*copyright of WL

Rambly

Oh no...I think the exams do drive one a little crazy.

Am studying Mutualisms now, for the Ecology module, and when I read this I giggled:

"The nature of animal interaction changes with age. Young trout and stoneflies have a harmonious relationship because the stoneflies disturb mutual prey from under stones that young trout end up eating. But this changes with time because the trout grow old enough to eat stoneflies." <- funny bit.

In a way it's sad as well because you start thinking how you look at a little chick and say, "This chick is so furry bald and cute!" but when it grows up, "It's a chicken. Kill it!"

I guess sometimes if you knew what you were really eating you'd be quite appalled. In Egypt, just for the fun of it, we ordered a pigeon for dinner. Eeee... when it came out we were staring at it in horror. It had been neatly roasted but we could still see the fatty curve of the neck so typical of the pigeons you see around any open square in England. And the little feet had been cut off but the fatty parts above the feet, the kind of ambiguous thigh/calf area of the pigeon, looked just like they were still alive and glaring up at us in reproach. And it was stuffed in rice and every mouthful I took choked me because I could still see the fatty neck and ambiguous thigh/calf area.

Of course, the chicken is no different from the pigeon, it's just that we've become so used to eating chicken (and because the finished product looks nothing like the starting ingredient) that we just take it for granted as food. I don't know whether it's really true, as all my fisherman friends tell me, that fish have no nerves - but if it's really true I wouldn't mind having mainly fish and vegetables for the rest of my life : ) (still have to put the word "mainly" there, am not that sacrificial yet).

One day I will see a lion lying next to a lamb on green pastures, and I will finally understand what everything was meant to be. There's so much beauty that was intended to be, but never came to pass. But he has made everything beautiful in his time, and one day we will see and understand.

Insomniac

There is someone who never sleeps
I wonder if his eyes ever get tired
and I wonder if they really brighten with joy
When he sees us thinking, searching, running after Him

He makes birds to sing sweetly in the daytime
and the long haunting calls of the wolves at night
He puts songs and a longing in the hearts of man
yet for them his soul was overwhelmed with sorrow

Who is this God that I know?
Is there so much more to Him that I cannot see
Is there more of Him that He hides from me
Did he know he would give up his life for me
When he said, smear the blood on your doorposts?

What is he like, this friend of mine
Does he see all my sorrows and my fragile life
Does he really hold all my dreams in his hand
As I give them up, for something better?

Why does he say, lose your life and you'll find it
He knew what it was to lose a life
To lose fame, to lose beauty, to lose friends, to lose flesh
For the sweat and tears and agony

Will I ever feel this agony?
Can I know what it was like for him there?
Could I see, could I understand his love for me
that at this hour a friend is still awake
a friend who gave all up for me.

Library Talk

It just suddenly struck me how many nicknames we've given to the regulars in the library today.

1. Adrain Brody Lookalike:
This coursemate of mine from Kuwait looks exactly like Adrian Brody. His eyes reflect the melancholy of the Pianist. His hair is dark and his nose is hooked. Once, when I was in the cluster with Sunny and he was sitting just across us, I googled "Adrian Brody" and showed the resultant picture to Sunny and asked her to look across at him, with the result that we both ended up in fits of giggles.

2. The Greek Guys:
They have dark wavy hair and olive complexions and are short and look Greek.

3. The Andrew Lookalike:
One of the regulars on the 13th floor looks alot like a shorter, slightly mustachioed version of my good friend Andrew. Man, I can't decide which of the two looks more like Andrew. (strange philosophical tangle ensues)

4. The Guy With The Cast
Some guy who broke his arm.

5. CosmoAdam
My coursemate from Cosmology, who's called Adam, who to differentiate him from the millions of other Adams we know has been christianed Cosmology Adam, short for CosmoAdam. Which sounds pretty cool, as he could just as easily have been called Coding Theory Adam, which is nowhere near as studly.

So you see, hanging out in the library isn't too bad after all. And besides getting to observe all these interesting new people, you also have enlightening material to read. And there are all these things called study breaks, where you get to go to the Union with your friends and buy chocolate, and there are also these things called condensed study breaks where you get to go to the vending machine on the Red Route freezing in a thin cardigan and buy chocolate, so it really isn't too bad a life to be living.

African Adventures

Once, on a very rainy day, I was in the Bragg cluster doing some work with Paulina and her other friend from Africa, Yvonne. Was typing away steadily in a T-shirt when Paulina and Yvonne came up with their coats on:

"Ruth, we're leaving," Paulina said with the funniest expression, "It's too cold here, and we're African. We can't stand it... I'm going home."

Paulina's always so funny and she always makes me laugh. Giggling, I said, "But you're Belgian!" (She's born in Africa but has lived in Belgium for fifteen years).

"Oh no Ruth, that doesn't count. I'm freezing to death here, my blood is African. See you," and she and Yvonne made a hasty exit!

So after dinner today, Paulina and I made our way to the warmest cluster in the University (at Paulina's insistence), which was a long, winding road to the Health Sciences Building, which I'd never stepped into before. It was nice and warm, but it closed at 8, so we decided to go to the library, which closed at midnight. Bumped into Yvonne on the sixth floor, so we headed out of the library together.

I was all for going to the Bragg cluster because it was closer to halls, but Paulina told me that she'd bring us someplace warm. So we trekked halfway around the university to the Textiles cluster, where I am now. And it is nice and warm. And Paulina says that I must hang around more with Africans, because they know where all the good food and warm places are. Which made me laugh. Maybe sometime we can go to Nando's together.

Humility

As I walk to the library in the morning,
I pass trees still bare in the winter gloom.
As they hold out their arms to the heavens
I can feel they are longing for renewal soon.

They stand still, and silent, and waiting
and whisper in hope as the breezes blow
They are broken, devoid of all their gaiety
And each bends to hide his battered soul.

O trees, I wish that I could tell you
You are as lovely now as you will ever be then
In your barrenness and brokenness
You are beautiful, beautiful to me.

When one day, you burst in colour joyful
And you fling your tresses out and sing
Just remember you were once a broken,
a beautiful, sad and lonesome lovely thing.

A Funny Predicament

I have a little pimple, a pimple on my b**t.
It's smarting and it's shouting and it terrifies my heart.
I try to wave the pain away by memorising Maths
But nothing stops the pimple from swelling very fat.

The exams are tomorrow and I am rather scared
My formulas are memoried, I'm pretty much prepared
But nagging worries dog my mind and foremost there is this:
One side of suffering b**k***es must give the chair a miss.

You can tell I'm taking a lot of study breaks.

With A Steady Head

Am in the library now, a day before my first paper. Cosmology. I've finished revising, but still need to practise past year papers... I'm a little afraid to move or shake my head for fear that everything I've crammed inside will fall out just like that.

After the exam tomorrow, I will promptly empty my brain of all Cosmology and start on my other topics. It's a skill we've all acquired along the years.

Strangely, though, I don't feel as stressed as I would have expected to feel... partly because of the

red-gold clouds shining through the library window as the sun sets
huge packet of mexican chilli mcoys crisps
familiar faces of 13th floor edward boyle people
prayers of friends
kinderbueno chocolate circulating around in my bloodstream
beautiful time sitting on my bed and commiting everything to One who is greater
tears having all been shed
presence of katie working away beside me
songs playing again and again in my head as i work...

God answers prayer.

Written Under The Influence

Just want to say a big thank you to my friends who wanted to help me move today and my friends who came down to help me move today. You know who you are. Thanks so much. You make me feel so blessed.

Times I spend with you guys are so precious because each second is ticking away, and I may never have the chance to relieve these moments again. I know that all of you are going to become great people, and one day I can say, "This famous Mr So-and-so helped me move my luggage today. Wow..."

We went to visit someone today, and as we sat in her house each moment seemed almost unbearably precious. Even though we were only laughing and joking, I treasured that moment so much. Somehow I keep on feeling as though I must enjoy every single second thoroughly, live life intensely, realise the value of times I spend with other people whom I may never see again for a long time after this year.

Soppy mushy entry shall end here. I think the exams are doing funny things to me.

Tell Me A Jabez

All I've eaten today is a packet of Walkers Monsters Crisps and a packet of McCoy's Crisps, and it's already almost four in the afternoon. I have to find some proper food soon, or else I'll turn into a huge walking crisp with MSG running through my veins.

The reason for my eating so little is, of course, the amount of time I have to spend studying for my exams coming up next week... but I've discovered the secret to doing well, I think. I never realised it before (or perhaps I did in Secondary School, but stopped). I discovered the secret to doing well after cell group yesterday when Weeleon shared about the prayer of Jabez:

"Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain."

He said that as Christians we often neglect to ask God for blessings because we think it selfish, but in fact we should, as we wouldn't hesitate to ask God to bless our friends in every way. And he said that as young Christians we'd always ask God to help us do well in exams, but as we got older we would think "Study La!"

Which is quite true. I remember Weeleon wanting to meet up with us to discuss the church webpage, and we were pretty reluctant to because we wanted to study for our exams, to which he said quite flippantly I thought, "Set aside time for fellowship and God will bless your studies!" and to which we replied, "If we don't study how can God bless our studies anyway?" But now, as well as studying, I'm going to pray that God will bless my studies too.

Being overseas, I always feel as though I have to behave better than anyone else, because I'm the only representative of my country some people know. When you're the only Singaporean someone knows, whatever you do brands your entire country and it's natural to generalise about a particular country based on only one person if you only know that one person from that country.

Being a Christian is a little like being overseas as well, because you may be the only Christian some people know. And I hope that my life will reflect where I'm from...

Back to study.

Pelican In the Wilderness

My soul is anguished
and my spirit crushed
men are advancing against me;
I am like a bird in a trap,
with no way to escape.
Lord, this is the time I am glad I know you.

I am glad for the rain
I am glad for the clouds
and I am glad about the mud between my toes.
I am thankful to be here
and, you know, your rain cleanses me.

Drops fall
on my nose
I can't tell whether these drops
are rain or tears;
but I am glad for the rain
I am glad that even though it seems impossible,
spring will come again soon,
I know that new things will grow
and I know all things will be made whole.

This is not entirely original. Apologies to Eponine and King David...
The rain is taking away... but let it take away.
Taking away makes room for better things.

Making (A Tiny Bit Of) History

When we were in Egypt, Chengzhan kept on singing shrill high pitched and horrible Chinese songs in the most random places such as the Valley of the Kings and Hatshepsut's Temple (not Hatshepboot's Temple, as Andrew kept insisting, while I mainained that it was Hatshepbut), and I thought that we were probably making history because never before had those Chinese songs been sung in that Egyptian place.

A month later when I watched Garden State I was surprised to see that someone else had had that thought already. Sam in the film said that when she felt entirely unoriginal, she would do something totally random that no one else had ever done before; and she went to a corner of the room, flung her arms about and went "Ooo Blah Blah Blah Blah".

Today Katie brought lychees to the library and as a study break we sat in an isolated corner of the steps of the 13th-plus floor and had lychees and apples for a carefully timed (and broken) 15 minute break. Dripping lychee juice on the steps of the Edward Boyle library I felt a naughty glee that we were probably doing something no one else had ever done before.

People like Einstein made history in big ways, but I guess I may have to be content with making history in my own little way.

Study Breaks

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
for all the children who think they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than TV
for all the kids that are wondering what they're going to be
We can be stronger than bombs if you're singing along
and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
as long as we know there's things we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
coz we speak in silence every time our eyes meet

On and on and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until I'm dizzy
Time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew

I wanna see through all the lies of society,
to the reality, happiness is at stake
I wanna hold up my head with dignity,
proud of a life where to give means more than to take
I wanna live beyond the modern mentality
where paper is all that you're really taught to create
Do you remember the forgotten America?
Justice, equality, freedom to every race
Just need to get past all the lies and hypocrisy,
make up and hair, to the truth beyond every face
Then look around to all the people you see
How many of them are happy and free?
I know it sounds like a dream
but it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night
I know it's hard to believe but it's easy to see
something here isn't right
I know the future looks dark
but it's there that the kids of today must carry the light

On and on and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until I'm dizzy
Time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew

If I'm afraid to catch a dream
I weave you baskets and I float them down the river stream
Each one I weave with words I speak
To carry love to your relief
I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breath when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
for all the children who think they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than TV
for all the kids that are wondering what they're going to be
We can be stronger than bombs if you're singing along
and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
as long as we know there's things we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
coz we speak in silence every time our eyes meet

On and on and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until I'm dizzy
Time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew

This is what Katie and I are listening to during our study break... it's a song by Willy Mason called "Oxygen"... and the little bit where his voice breaks on "On and on and on" makes my heart skip a beat.

It's funny how susceptible all of us are to music... and how sometimes, for no reason, you just wake up with a song in your heart. Or sometimes how your fingers run over the keyboard, and it sings your song... the song of your soul.

Better go back to study; study break's officially over.

Teach me to Number My Days aright, that I may Gain a Heart of Wisdom.

I watched some videos today of the tsunami. Waves coming in without warning, holiday makers laughing one moment and running for their lives the next, people taking videos of the waves and then getting swept away, little children playing on the beach one minute and then struggling for their lives the next. Holiday makers still in bikinis and beach shorts walking back in a bedraggled, bruised, shocked group.

And then worse images. Parents cradling limp children with dazed expressions on their faces, a mother weeping in anguish, an old man clinging on to a wall and struggling to climb up as the waves rose, bodies crackling in the flames in an Indian village.

No difference between rich and poor, foreign or local.

2004 brought many surprises, and not all of them were good ones. The SARS outbreak and the tsunami disaster claimed so many lives. It didn't matter whether you were young or old, what race or religion you were. Time took you, swiftly and unexpectedly. There wasn't any time to prepare - no time to quit smoking, no time to ask reconciliation, no time to say I love you, no time to say goodbye.

What will 2005 bring? New advances in philosophy, new miracle medicines? Anti-wrinkle creams, another weary cycle of fashion and a couple more books on the beauty of logic and human reasoning? I think 2005 will bring all these and more, but I also think 2005 will bring unpleasant surprises, catastrophes, unexpected incidents which will remind us all that we can't take life for granted.

When I'm all caught up in whether I look picture-perfect for lectures that day, or all upset because dinner was a little lumpy pastaesque thing, it's difficult to remember that I am but a blade of grass in the wind. Millions came and went before me, and millions will come and go after me. I don't know how many days I have before me. Reports say there may be another earthquake on a huge scale in a decade or so, and I don't know whether even invincible Singapore will be spared from that. But I do know that I need to learn how to "number my days aright", to set my heart on the eternal, to use what I have been given, to make a difference. To care until it hurts so much, to give without asking for anything in return, to silently contribute without expecting acknowledgement, and always to know that anyone, at any place, could go at anytime and thus to pour out a life for as many as possible.