Deuteronomy

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul and all your strength.

To love Him with all my heart means that there is no room for anything else in my heart. This is the season for clinging onto Him so tightly and never letting Him go, even though other things are demanding my heart sometimes.

To love Him with all my mind means not just to philosophize about Him and theology, but to love Him with all my mind means that my thinking needs to be aligned with His thinking. Never to think that He is far away and that He will not speak, but to believe that He is near me, His words are in my mouth and in my heart, and He will guide me.

To love Him with all my soul means that my only source of spiritual nourishment is my Lord. If my soul draws satisfaction from other things, from relationships or anything else, I am not loving Him with all my soul.

To love Him with all my strength means to seek Him and be hungry for Him even when I feel that I am tired and have no strength left, even when I feel incapable of carrying on, because I know that He will give me His strength when I have none. And running on His strength is far more exciting...

I don't want to be satisfied with knowing the Bible. I don't want to be satisfied with Your blessings, even spiritual blessings. I don't want to be satisfied with doing things for You. I only want to be satisfied with You. I want to love You above all things... let my heart be near You.

"Funny" Questions

Some questions have been running through my head lately.

One of them is about the belly button. When we were born, our umbilical cords were cut. Our business used to be excreted via the umbilical cord, so why did it stop coming out of our belly buttons after some time? And if it stopped coming out of our belly buttons because it was coming out of our butts, why did it not come out of our butts when we were in the womb? Was it because of the water pressure in the womb holding it in?

It's funny to think about such questions because you realise how much you don't know even though you're a university graduate and a science student. Or perhaps you just realise how amazing God is, how everything is engineered to His design, even the funniest of things.

I remember the first time I realised He has a sense of humour. It was when I was reading
this about Him talking about an almond tree and punning on the word "almond", which sounds like "watch", to tell Jeremiah that He was watching to see that His word was fulfilled. And can you imagine Him rejoicing over you with singing? Not some quiet lullabye song, mind you, but the rejoicing of the laughing, dancing kind.

Thank You that You laugh over me. Thank You for your sense of humour and for all the answers to my questions, even the unanswered questions. With You by my side, I can never be lonely.

Amazing Grace

God's grace once again overwhelms me in terms of my results.

If He is able to do this, how much more is He able to do anything else we ask for, especially if these things are on His heart. I will continue to pray, until I see miracles, miracles in my own life and in the lives of others.

Journey

"Journey" by Corinne May
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe

When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

Trap

The greatest trap is to fall into looking for man's approval and men's recognition rather than seeking to please the heart of God.

Forgive me for doing these things, because that is why I'm discontent. Let me cling on to You and find in You all the love I need.

Sorry

I'm very sorry that I shot my friend with a water gun.

Jealous

This weekend was a "weekend of freedom" because I had some time to myself to think about things and most of all soak in the love of God.

God is a jealous God. I always knew that but I never realised why God was a jealous God.

When do you get jealous of someone? When you love them so much that you want them to belong to you exclusively. I realised that He was jealous for me because He loved me so much, and that He wanted me to have no other lovers not because He wanted to punish or deprive me, but because He loved me so much that He wanted me exclusively.

I don't know when the last time was that I thought about the fact that God loved me. Maybe that was why I lost my direction and I lost my hope for the cell group and for myself. Maybe that was why I ended up praying everyday, asking Him for things for other people and resources and power and strength and never just spent time to soak in His love and to know that my God loved me so, so, much. Maybe that was why I ended up doing, doing, doing, and everything just went wrong, even my personal life went wrong, because I lost my delight in the One that I should have loved the most.

So yesterday I spent the day with Him, just thinking about the fact that He loved me. Just delighting in His love and knowing that He was jealous for me because He wanted me. Praying for other people knowing that His heart ached for them.

And today I was set free to be myself; to pray without caring what people would think, to gather the cell group for prayer without caring what people would say, to love the people around me and to speak to people without fear of comparison or anything else. To be free to dance again in Him...

I will still have problems but I know that even as I struggle I can plead for His grace. And most of all knowing that He loves me and He will never give up on me will keep me going and will allow me strength to carry on.