Jealous
This weekend was a "weekend of freedom" because I had some time to myself to think about things and most of all soak in the love of God.
God is a jealous God. I always knew that but I never realised why God was a jealous God.
When do you get jealous of someone? When you love them so much that you want them to belong to you exclusively. I realised that He was jealous for me because He loved me so much, and that He wanted me to have no other lovers not because He wanted to punish or deprive me, but because He loved me so much that He wanted me exclusively.
I don't know when the last time was that I thought about the fact that God loved me. Maybe that was why I lost my direction and I lost my hope for the cell group and for myself. Maybe that was why I ended up praying everyday, asking Him for things for other people and resources and power and strength and never just spent time to soak in His love and to know that my God loved me so, so, much. Maybe that was why I ended up doing, doing, doing, and everything just went wrong, even my personal life went wrong, because I lost my delight in the One that I should have loved the most.
So yesterday I spent the day with Him, just thinking about the fact that He loved me. Just delighting in His love and knowing that He was jealous for me because He wanted me. Praying for other people knowing that His heart ached for them.
And today I was set free to be myself; to pray without caring what people would think, to gather the cell group for prayer without caring what people would say, to love the people around me and to speak to people without fear of comparison or anything else. To be free to dance again in Him...
I will still have problems but I know that even as I struggle I can plead for His grace. And most of all knowing that He loves me and He will never give up on me will keep me going and will allow me strength to carry on.
God is a jealous God. I always knew that but I never realised why God was a jealous God.
When do you get jealous of someone? When you love them so much that you want them to belong to you exclusively. I realised that He was jealous for me because He loved me so much, and that He wanted me to have no other lovers not because He wanted to punish or deprive me, but because He loved me so much that He wanted me exclusively.
I don't know when the last time was that I thought about the fact that God loved me. Maybe that was why I lost my direction and I lost my hope for the cell group and for myself. Maybe that was why I ended up praying everyday, asking Him for things for other people and resources and power and strength and never just spent time to soak in His love and to know that my God loved me so, so, much. Maybe that was why I ended up doing, doing, doing, and everything just went wrong, even my personal life went wrong, because I lost my delight in the One that I should have loved the most.
So yesterday I spent the day with Him, just thinking about the fact that He loved me. Just delighting in His love and knowing that He was jealous for me because He wanted me. Praying for other people knowing that His heart ached for them.
And today I was set free to be myself; to pray without caring what people would think, to gather the cell group for prayer without caring what people would say, to love the people around me and to speak to people without fear of comparison or anything else. To be free to dance again in Him...
I will still have problems but I know that even as I struggle I can plead for His grace. And most of all knowing that He loves me and He will never give up on me will keep me going and will allow me strength to carry on.
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