Friendships

I asked a close friend of mine recently a question that had been asked to me before, "Do you feel that I'm transparent enough?" And he said, "I think you've become less transparent recently..." And I asked him whether it was since I'd become a cell leader, and he said, "Yes, after you became a cell group leader you've become less transparent..."

It's true. There are some things I don't tell people now because I just tell them to God, or there are some things that I don't even think about anymore. Funny things happen in my life and I don't share them with anyone anymore because I want people to respect me, I don't want people to think I'm funny.

We talked about losing the joy of friendship. Perhaps it's been a long time since I've been "in the world", lived with people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, depending on each other, being real with each other. Maybe it's been some time since I really laughed with someone over something silly, or just enjoyed being friends together, doing normal things together, not pressuring them to accept Christ, not hitting them over the head with the Bible, being concerned about them, just being friends, sharing our lives, talking about deep things for hours on the phone, or just about silly things that wouldn't matter at all.

We used to be good friends and we used to laugh so much over the silliest things, tell each other our secrets, go swimming every week and then hang out and chat and laugh. We would write each other encouraging notes and I would pray for him with tears in the secret of my own room. Now, we're good brothers and sisters, but something has happened to our friendship. We get together and talk about deep spiritual things, but I miss laughing about the silly things. And I miss the sharing times, the reason that I don't share as much with him is because I don't want to complain about my situation. I only want to tell God what's in my heart.

I sometimes feel a little bit confused about friendships now. Whenever I meet up with someone from my cell group, I think that the meeting is going to move something like this - we will make small talk, then they are going to share with me some problem or obstacle, then I will share with them some Bible verses, and then we'll end by praying together. But that's sometimes abit too intentional. Where has the friendship gone, the sharing of little things that make you tick, the finding out about each other, the giving and taking?

My friend said, "I don't know if being intentional is the right 'Christian' thing to do.." And I think now, that it's less of being intentional, than of really sharing your lives with each other... then you don't even have to be intentional, because you know each other so well. And I miss this sharing, I miss this constant fellowship, I miss calling my friends up for nothing at all, just to chat; I miss people calling just to talk... I just miss friendship, the feeling of someone constantly being there for you no matter what, and accepting you no matter what you're like.

We wondered together whether Jesus was friends with his disciples, whether he laughed and did silly things with them. He said they weren't his slaves, but that they were his friends. We wondered whether they were friends with him, whether they teased him.

And I think they probably did. The reason why their lives were changed so much wasn't because he hit the Bible at them 24 hours a day. It was because he shared his life with them and they saw what made him tick, they saw him live his life in front of them, they ate together and shared everything together.

Deep within me, I miss that kind of friendship. I miss knowing a person that well... O... give me back the friendships I have lost...