Mommyy

I was talking to my mother recently, and she was telling me about the relief teachers under her and how they were so glad to be under her because she had given them such good guidance. At this I said, "Yes, mom, you are a good leader. You have good leadership skills." Which is true. My mom is very strong and sticks to what she believes in, she never wavers to the right or to the left, and she's not at all bothered by what people think of her or say about her.

And she paused and said, "So are you, you know. You have this leadership ability too."

And I was a little shocked, because I seldom receive praise from her, so when I do I know it's sincere. I knew that she really meant it, because she's very frank and makes no bones about anything. I knew she didn't say it just to encourage me, but I knew she really meant it!

And when I feel inadequate, I often think about what my mom said now. Things are starting to pile up, and work is coming in so fast that I feel overwhelmed. To be put in a position of leadership makes me feel all the more vulnerable. And sometimes it's difficult to be honest with other people about how inadequate I feel because I want them to have confidence in me.

And yet in some ways I feel that God has given me gifts that I should use. That He has given me alot, and so He requires alot of me. I have a debt to repay - a debt of stewardship. I don't want to have false humility and think that I shouldn't use what He has given me, that I should hide it, because I should use His gifts for His glory.

If I were the Mona Lisa, I might have said to Leonardo da Vinci, "Why did you give me such a beautiful smile? Make my smile less brilliant so that people won't look at me!" But that's false humility. I forget that my smile doesn't glorify myself, it glorifies Leonardo da Vinci. So I'm being proud by thinking that my smile would make people look at me! Because it wouldn't make them think of me at all! They'd be thinking of Leonardo da Vinci and what inspired him... ahahahhah.

So I'm glad that my mom said what she said, and that she sees this in me. It gives me all the more courage to be myself and to be used by Him!

Although the road ahead doesn't look smooth or easy, and in fact looks rather impossible, I am glad that it looks impossible, because only when there is a huge chasm between two cliffs can I take a leap of faith! If not, it would just be a step of self-reliance.

Thanks, mom.