More Thoughts

It's been raining today, heavy sheets of rain that keep on coming down and trickling down the windows as I struggle to write my dissertation and to do the work I have to do. Periodically I go into the kitchen for pizza and listen to the comforting hum of the microwave beneath the howling of the rain.

Sometimes sitting alone in my room looking out of the window at the clouds in the sky, ever moving, ever changing, I pray that I may see God. And then I stop, listen, listen, and watch. Two birds fly across the sky, or the tree in front of me starting to blossom all over gently moves. And I try to listen, try to feel Him, to hear His still small voice, telling me that He loves me.

Things have been changing around me. Friends have gone away, and sometimes I feel lost now. Seeking out the company of friends becomes a necessity; something I have to do deliberately for my own sanity rather than something that happened so naturally before.

Sometimes I ask, "Are you there?" and look out for a reply. And in return there is silence. But I see the grandeur of the world he created, the infinity of the sky, the grass rippling in the breeze, and I remember what He said,

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it is from, or where it is going."

and I remember that He said, "Blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed."

And I know I don't have to have an answer. Because now I see in a mirror dimly, but then I will see face to face...