Epiphany

Yesterday I was lying on my bed trying to sleep and failing because images of terrorism kept flashing into my head and my imagination was running wild as usual. I repeated this verse to myself: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Although I’d taught it to the Sunday School kids twice and had made them memorise it, it hadn’t sunk into me yet.

Then suddenly I realised: God didn’t want me to be fearful. God wanted me to be courageous! God would not have shown me anything that would make me afraid, because He always gives courage. Many times when He appeared to people of old He told them not to be afraid. My wild imagination was not from the Lord because it was making me afraid!

It was then that I realised something about God’s heart. God always wants us to be courageous and He will not show us something on purpose to scare us for the fun of it. He does not play with us! So fear is not from Him at all!

When I realised that the fear in my heart was not from Him, I slept so soundly that night and woke up this morning to my dad holding my niece and my niece gurgling at the sight of my bleary eyed face.

Thank You for showing me such simple things. Cos these simple things are what I really need to know.

Fears

Last night I tossed and turned on my bed and couldn’t sleep thinking about the recent terrorist attack on London and how terrorist attacks could happen anytime, anywhere, even in a supposedly safe country. I found myself imagining all sorts of things and wondering whether our country would be able to stand up in a similar situation, wondering what I would do, especially when many people now say that it’s not a matter of if but of when. Please pray for our country and pray for peace and unity.

I have to be honest, sometimes I am just so fearful even though I know that my life and times are in God’s hands and He has already planned out my life. I need to know Him more and really trust Him. Trust that He knows what’s best. Trust that He has me in His hands.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” I carry His presence in my heart, and so there is no need to be afraid.

There is nothing to fear when the One who created the universe, the One who holds everything together, who invented the laws that keep everything running smoothly, the one who counts every hair on my head, is with me. In fact He’s in my heart; He’s not just beside me but also in me. When I asked Him into my life, I got more than forgiveness for my sins. I also got the privilege of knowing Him as my Father and the privilege of getting to know Him for the rest of my life. And I can also talk to Him any time I want knowing that He will listen and knowing that He loves me. This is a lot more than I bargained for.

These few days I’ve been thinking about what I want my life to count for. What do you want your life to count for? Most people want two things: legacy and love. You can leave a legacy by contributing significantly to the welfare of other people. Yet, in the end, there won’t be anyone left to appreciate you. No one now says, “I appreciate Alexander Fleming so much” every time he takes penicillin. But he just takes it as a matter of course and forgets about it. Even though occasionally he might remember Alexander Fleming or learn about him in school he has no way of knowing the many trials he may have gone through or appreciating fully the kind of perseverance and discipline which brought him through. In the end, our achievements become relegated to dusty memorials and saccharine textbooks, while the next generation picnic and play cards and grand battlefields that were fought over issues few deem important anymore. You can find love in your parents, your spouse, your kids, your friends. Yet no one understands you perfectly, no one knows you deeply, every single thought you think, every fibre of your being, and still loves you all the same.

So in the end, we need to find something that has an eternal significance. And I know that knowing God who is eternal is truly the purpose of our lives. With it, everything else has a purpose; without it, nothing seems to make sense.
Forgive me, because I have so little faith. You know me deeply. And yet you love me deeply too. Let me just find my joy in knowing You more every day. Nothing makes sense without You. Carry all that I find too heavy to carry. I know You will.

Differences

Singapore, of course, is very different from the UK in many aspects. It is smaller, somewhat cleaner, hotter, and predominantly Asian. But I’ve noticed another difference. Singaporean stores sell many more motivational posters and inspirational cards.

Walk into any shopping complex (I really mean anywhere on the island) and you’ll see the stores competing with each other to see which one can sell its posters and postcards more cheaply ($2 for 4). The posters say things like, “Reach for the sky because, if you fall short, you’ll still be among the stars”, “It’s good to build castles in the air. But start working on the foundation now!”; and the cards say things like, “Don’t worry, I will pray for you”. The two main brands are Evercare, which is from Hong Kong, and Locust, which I think is a local brand.

I like them. I have two posters in my room. One says, “When the night seems to be the darkest, it means the sun will soon rise up. Press on… Don’t give up!” and the other says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self-seeking. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.” The first one pulled me through my stressful days when I was relief teaching, marking endless loads of books, not eating properly and keeping odd hours of the night while dealing with unappreciative students. And the second one… well… reminds me of His perfect love. Because I know I’m incapable of loving like that unless He helps me to, I’d much rather appreciate how perfectly He loves me.

I think most British people would find all these posters and cards cheesy. But I love them and can spend ages looking through them.

I remember when I was doing my teaching attachment last year in a neighbourhood school. We had to do a project on what motivated students most and we came up with a survey. On it we asked them, “What motivates you most to do well?” and there were options such as competition, religion, parents, self, teachers, etc. They were asked to tick the three things that motivated them the most. Just for the fun of it, we added another option: motivational posters. They were all over the school and we just thought it would be funny to put it in as an option. We then collected our data and correlated it with the students’ results. The funny thing was that in the end we discovered that the students who performed the best found their primary motivation from posters. Of course, we just laughed about it, putting it down to probable mishandling of data. But it did make me wonder whether motivational posters are more effective than we give them credit for.

I can understand why motivational posters sell so quick. When you look at the truth all day long, you start to believe and understand it and as a result you’re able to live life according to the truth. It is helpful to continue to feed your mind with the truth. So that when circumstances are stormy, when you think you’re losing hope, you can always look up and think, “Wait a minute, that’s not the way it is. I’m not going to believe a lie!”

One of the ways in which we’re constantly being attacked is negativity. We think that everything is hopeless or that praying will not help, or we think that things are uncertain, or we have fear. But these things are lies because God says that He has a plan for us, a plan to give us hope and a future, and that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And we know that if He hears us, it will be done for us. It’s that simple! We need to get from knowing these truths to believing these truths. Please, move these simple truths from my head right into my heart.

So… pin it up and believe it. Because the truth sets you free. : )

Bigger than...

I went to Arun's church today in Pasir Ris and it was nice seeing him again and catching up a little, finding that things hadn't really changed, even his sense of humour. Some people just be so funny so much of the time and I think it's really a talent. And it was good to worship together too, good to see that God is moving all over Singapore even through different churches, different ministers and different styles of worship.

It's good to be back, even though it's only going to be for a short month, but I feel a little purposeless. Most of my days are spent at home taking care of my niece, or meeting up with friends. I just miss the busy lifestyle of Leeds. I wish to be a blessing to my friends and family but it seems as though I can do so little or I am so unmotivated.

I pray that I can be a bigger blessing to my family. I don't really know what I can do for them. Besides washing the dishes, keeping my room tidy and things like that, I pray that He will use me above and beyond and including these things. Cos these things are so easy and yet so hard. I pray that His joy and fellowship will be in our family, that we will really encourage one another in our walks with Him the way He intended us to.

I think sometimes, the things that are dearest to us we find most difficult to talk about with the people dearest to us. At least this is true for me. But I believe He has a plan that is so much more abundant that what I am experiencing now...

Arun's pastor said today at the closing of his sermon: "It will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end." It was funny when he said it, but very encouraging too. Cos you know everything is going to be perfect when Christ comes again. And we know then that we do not struggle in vain because we have a God who is on our side and who has made His resources available for us to win.

Let's just realise the truth in our hearts. That God is bigger than our past. That God is bigger than our failings. He knows that we are imperfect anyway and He still loves us. He even takes pleasure in us! That God is bigger than even life! Cos neither death nor life will be able to separate us from the love of God! That no matter how you feel about your life now, the truth is that the victory has been won! And I thank God cos He is going to make this one month here a meaningful and impactful one.